The Love Letter

Dearest Jesus,

I’ve been meaning to write for a while now, but somehow the words just don’t seem to come. I can feel the words welling up within me and the urge to write is growing stronger. I have this desperate need to just pour out my heart before You. So here I go. 

I look back at where I was a year ago and I look at where I am now. So much has changed – internally and externally. I guess I don’t even know where to start. You’ve invited me on a journey of joy, and sure the road is bumpy at times, but I know who’s in the driver’s seat. I may have some bruises, but my soul has been satisfied with a serenity that can only be found in Your presence. To the world I might look like I’m perishing, but I know that I’m being perfected. Sure I’ve got a real long way to go, but I’m growing in Your grace. 

About a year ago I was fervently waiting for the ventures of life, but instead I’ve been taught to fervently pray. This world has changed, but so have I. I’ve spent days on end without a single friend, but I’ve come to know the greatest Friend of all. I’ve been challenged being back home. There’s been bruises that kept on bleeding and melancholy memories that kept reoccurring. I’ve had to deal with feelings I felt and mistakes I made. Some days the sun was hidden from my soul and the hours seemed dull and dry. The clouds kept reappearing and the stars kept disappearing. My health has been challenged, but now I know the Healer. I lacked peace, but now I know the Provider. You have brought me out of the place of confusion and comparison and into a place of prosperity and proximity. Your hand held me when I was at my lowest and wrapped me in Your love when I felt unlovable. In times I felt troubled, You stilled my soul and reminded me that You are in control. 

No one understands the journey You’ve taken me on and no one ever will. But I guess that’s why I’m writing. To remind myself that it’s all about You and only You. When no one understands, You do. When I am weak, You alone can feel my deepest woe. I can share my struggle with this world, but this world has struggles too. It’s only You that I can keep on running to. I’ve found that Christianity all comes down to this: “In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised, barbaric, uncivilised, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us” (Colossians 3:11). 

I look at this world and I sort of feel perplexed. People are sceptical and cynical when it comes to You, but then You remind me that it’s the sinners that need healing and salvation too. I’ve seen hearts harden more and more and I’ve realised that’s exactly what the Holy Spirit is for. I know that I can’t convince and I can’t save, but help me to walk in Your love and to share with them Your grace. I was also once a sinner that You longed to save, and I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m growing in Your grace. 

Some days I just feel stuck between who I am and who I want to be. Half of me wants to be the grown up a 21-year-old is supposed to be, though the other half wants to stay a child, limitless and free. In these moments of wondering who and what I should be, I’ve heard the gentle whisper of Your Holy Spirit say, “Come back to Me.” I haven’t found my place in this world, but I’ve found my place in Your presence. You’ve shown me that I can be a bit of both, small yet mature. With child-like faith I can sit on Your lap, and while You do the heavy-lifting I can even take a nap. It’s in believing like a child that I grow more mature, growing into a grown-up and flourishing in Your grace. 

To be honest, I’m struggling with my studies most days, I mean, it’s challenging reading and writing about stuff that seriously challenges my faith. At times I question wether I heard Your voice and I’m walking in Your will, but somehow You show up and keep on paying the bill. I guess if You’ve shown me a year ago what the art industry would entail, I would’ve sticked to studying something less liberal, perhaps something more…plain. Deep within me I can feel the rush of creativity in my veins and I know that You made me artistic and I could never settle for something less satisfying than writing a book or a play. You’re learning me that the road to success requires a whole lot of strength and stamina and that there are many hurdles in this race, but when I’m filled with Your Spirit I can endure the trials that I face. 

Sometimes I forget who You are and what You’re like, I feel stupid and senseless, like I’m some sort of mistake. I feel unlovable and directionless, like I have no where to go. Though I’m Your child, I call me my own, and in fear I run in search of a home. In the months gone by You’ve taught me that all I need to do, is to put on a good old hymn and remember who You are, “What a friend I have in Jesus”, the bright Morning Star. When I struggle to hear Your voice, I can hear You all around, You’re in the whisper of the wind and the moving of the clouds. You don’t scream and You don’t yell, but You’re gentle and loving and I’ve realised that You’re the soft voice deep inside, the wave of peace that stills the heart and mind. 

In the last year You’ve held my hand and You’ve never let me go, You carried me this far and You’re faithful, more than I will ever know. I can’t convince people that You’re real, but I know now who You are to me, my Saviour and my Friend, my Father and my Help in times of need. You are Jesus, the One that loves me so, the Rock of my refuge, my Safety and my Home. Learn me to walk in Your love, and to give grace like You do, to be kind and trustworthy, teach me to be more like You. 

Jesus, keep writing with Your Holy Spirit on the tablet of my heart, so that I can become a living letter of Your Love. So, this is actually all I want to say, “Jesus, you loved me first and that’s why I love too, please accept this love letter from me to You.” 

Love

Annaliese

3 Thoughts

  1. Absolutely amazing Annaliese to share your heart in honesty and give hope to many that is hopeless!
    Keep up the good work and write as much as you can from the bottom of your heart!

    His grace is sufficient to you!

    Like

  2. Just One Word and that is WOW! We serve an Awesome God. Jesus holds your hand. Always run into His Loving Arms.

    Like

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